Saying No to Others is Saying YES to Yourself by Jack Canfield

There are only two words that will always lead you to success. Those words are yes and no. Undoubtedly, you’ve mastered saying yes. So start practicing saying no. Your goals depend on it!

If you are constantly saying yes to other people, then you are constantly saying no to yourself and your goals. Ask yourself if what is being requested of you is in line with your goals, will it benefit you in some way and bring you closer to your success, or will you simply be spending your time on someone else’s good opportunity?
How much time do you waste with projects and activities that you really don’t want to do simply because you are uncomfortable saying no?

Success depends on getting good at saying no without feeling guilty. You cannot get ahead with your own goals if you are always saying yes to someone else’s projects and agendas.

What a simple concept this is, yet you’d be surprised how frequently even the world’s top entrepreneurs, professionals, educators and civic leaders get caught up in projects, situations and opportunities that are merely good, while the great is left out in the cold—waiting for them to make room in their lives. In fact, concentrating on merely the “good” often prevents the “great” from showing up, simply because there’s no time left in our schedules to take advantage of any additional opportunity.

Is this your situation—constantly chasing after mediocre prospects or pursuing misguided schemes for success, when you could be holding at bay opportunities for astounding achievement?

If saying “No” is so important, then why is it so hard to say?

Why do we find it so hard to say no to everybody’s requests? As children, many of us learned that “no” was an unacceptable answer. Responding with “no” was cause for discipline. Later, in our careers, “no” may have been the reason for a poor evaluation or failing to move up the corporate ladder.

Yet, highly successful people say “no” all the time—to projects, to crazy deadlines, to questionable priorities and to other people’s crises. In fact, they view the decision to say “no” equally acceptable as the decision to say “yes.”
Others say no, but will offer to refer you to someone else for help. Still others claim their calendar, family obligations, deadlines and even finances as reasons why they must decline requests. At the office, achievers find other solutions to their co-workers’ repeated emergencies, rather than becoming a victim of someone else’s lack of organization and poor time management.

“It’s not against you, it’s for me…”

One response that I have found helpful in saying “no” to crisis appeals or time-robbing requests from people is… It’s not against you; it’s for me.
When the chairman calls with yet another fund-raising event that needs your dedication, you can say, “You know, my saying no to you is not against you, or what you are trying to do. It’s a very worthy cause, but recently I realized I’ve been over committing myself. So even though I support what you’re doing, the fact is I’ve made a commitment to spend more time with my family. It’s not against you; it’s for us.”

Few people can get angry at you for making and standing by a higher commitment. In fact, they’ll respect you for your clarity and your strength.

So, how can you determine what’s truly great, so you can say no to what’s merely good?

Start by listing your opportunities—one side of the page for good and the other side for great. Seeing options in writing will help crystallize your thinking and determine what questions to ask, what information to gather, what your plan of attack might be, and so on. It will help you decide if an opportunity truly fits with our overall life purpose and passion, or if it’s just life taking you down a side road.

Talk to advisors about this potential new pursuit. People who have traveled the road before you have vast experience to share and hard-headed questions to ask about any new life opportunity you might be contemplating. They can talk to you about expected challenges and help you evaluate the “Hassle Factor”—that is, how much time, money, effort, stress and commitment will be required.

Test the waters. Rather than take a leap of faith that the new opportunity will proceed as you expect, conduct a small test, spending a limited amount of time and money. If it’s a new career you’re interested in, first seek part-time work or independent consulting contracts in that field. If it’s a major move or volunteer project you’re excited about, see if you can travel for a few months to your dream locale or find ways to immerse yourself in the volunteer work for several weeks.

And finally, look where you spend your time. Determine if those activities truly serve your goals or if saying “no” would free up your schedule for more focused pursuits.

Be brave in saying no to good opportunities, stay focused on your higher goals and let people know that you are committed to those goals. People will respect your clarity and drive.

Remember, just as you are in control of your feelings and attitudes, other people are in control of theirs, so if they do get upset with you for saying no…well that is a choice they make for themselves.


Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com

Getting Things Done by Bob Proctor

History has recognized many great men and women who have accomplished more with their lives in a few short years than the majority of people do within their entire lifetime.

This year there are individuals in your industry, and very likely many of them in your company, who may accomplish more in the next twelve months than many will accomplish in an eternity. These so-called super achievers stand out in a crowd like a brilliant beacon in a dark night. Subsequently, they earn a large share of the world’s rewards.

A couple of questions you might want to ask yourself are:
1. What makes these people great?
2. Can I develop their great qualities?

The answer to the second question is a resounding YES! You most certainly can!

There are many very positive characteristics that are habitual in the personalities of these men and women, and one that they all have in common is, their ability to get things done.

People with a sense of completion very rarely rush and are seldom in a panic. Hurry, rush and panic are mental states which individuals who do not have a sense of completion experience whenever they have a lot to do. These frantic individuals seem to always cause confusion wherever they go. Conversely, individuals with a sense of completion always have a lot to do. They know they will get it done and they complete their projects in a calm, confident manner. They are the true professionals in today’s society.

Every one of these super achievers does a tremendous amount of work in a minimum period of time. They have a long list of projects, which they complete daily - goal achieving projects - in other words, work that counts. They are not just busy for the sake of busy-ness; they are effective because they have this tremendous sense of completion with respect to matters which need to get done.

The world has always cried for men and women who can get things done, for people who are self starters, who see a task through to its finish. It isn’t how much you know, but what you get done that the world rewards and remembers. More than any other single reason, millions of people are held back from success because they don’t know how to get things done. The biggest handicap to success is not a lack of IQ, nor a lack of character or willingness, it is a weakness in getting things done.

You don’t have to work harder, but you do need to work more effectively. You must learn to make your work count. Be counted among the few who really … get things done!

“Seest thou a person diligent in their business? They shall stand before kings.”
-Proverbs


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Good Things Come to Those Who Ask

Asking for what you need is probably the most underutilized tool for people. And yet, amazing requests have been granted to people simply because they've asked for it!

Whether its money, information, support, assistance, or time, most people are afraid to ask for what they need in order to make their dreams come true.

They might be afraid of looking needy, ignorant, helpless, or even greedy. More than likely, though, it is the fear of rejection that is holding them back. Even though they are afraid to hear the word no, they're already saying it to themselves by not asking!

Do you ask for what you want or are you afraid of rejection?

Consider this: Rejection is just a concept. There is really no such thing as rejection! You're not any worse off by hearing no than you were before you asked. You didn't have what you asked for before you asked and you still don't, so what did you lose?

Being rejected doesn't hold you back from anything. Only YOU hold yourself back. When you realize that there's no merit to rejection, you'll feel more comfortable asking for things. You may just need a bit of help learning how to ask for what you want.

How to Ask for What You Want

There’s a specific science to asking for and getting what you want or need in life. And while I recommend you learn more by studying The Aladdin Factor, here are some quick tips to get you started:

1. Ask as if you expect to get it. Ask with a positive expectation. Ask from the place that you have already been given it. It is a done deal. Ask as if you expect to get a “yes.”

2. Assume you can. Don’t start with the assumption that you can’t get it. If you are going to assume, assume you can get an upgrade. Assume you can get a table by the window. Assume that you can return it without a sales slip. Assume that you can get a scholarship, that you can get a raise, that you can get tickets at this late date. Don’t ever assume against yourself.

3. Ask someone who can give it to you. Qualify the person. Who would I have to speak to get... Who is authorized to make a decision about... What would have to happen for me to get...

4. Be clear and specific. In my seminars, I often ask, “Who wants more money in their life?” I’ll pick someone who raised their hand and give them a quarter, asking, “Is that enough for you?” “No? Well, how would I know how much you want? How would anybody know?”

You need to ask for a specific number. Too many people are walking around wanting more of something, but not being specific enough to obtain it.

5. Ask repeatedly. One of the most important Success Principles is the commitment to not give up.

Whenever we’re asking others to participate in the fulfillment of our goals, some people are going to say “no.” They may have other priorities, commitments and reasons not to participate. It’s no reflection on you.

Just get used to the idea that there’s going to be a lot of rejection along the way to the brass ring. The key is to not give up. When someone says “No”— you say “NEXT!” Why?

Because when you keep on asking, even the same person again and again...they might say “yes”...

…on a different day
…when they are in a better mood
…when you have new data to present
…after you’ve proven your commitment to them
…when circumstances have changed
…when you’ve learned how to close better
…when you’ve established better rapport
…when they trust you more
…when you have paid your dues
…when the economy is better
…and so on.

Kids know this Success Principle better than anyone. They will ask the same person over and over again without any hesitation. (can you relate?)

Getting a good perspective on rejection and learning how to ask will make a world of difference for you as you work toward your goals. Practice asking and you'll get very good at it! You'll even speed your progress by getting what you need, or improving yourself in order to get it later.

Make a list of what you need to ask for in all areas of your life, and start asking.
Remember, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE… if you dare to ask!

Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com

Comment on the new show "Breakthrough" with Tony Robbins

Unlike the viewers in the USA, Tony Robbins new TV show "Breakthrough" is not available to viewers in Australia, so I had to watch the show on YouTube. With all the hype and promotion given to the show, I was really looking forward to watching it, mainly from the perspective of what the show could potentially do for those who are already in the personal development/self improvement industry. Here are some of my observations and comments after watching Episode 1:

The positive aspects:

1. The premise of the show is that anyone can overcome any obstacle they are experiencing in life. They may need someone like a mentor or a coach to help them take those initial steps and challenge to do what they thought was not possible for them to do. I believe the show achieved that with Frank and Kristen. Tony helped both of them change their belief of what was possible in life.

2. The show is a source of inspiration for anyone who thinks that they have insurmountable challenges in life. Tony Robbins mentions that the two thirds of the world's population lives on less than $2 per day and they would love to have what other's perceive as problems. If people can change their perception and start focusing on what is good about the challenge they are facing, then they will have a different experience of life.

3. The show is really about giving hope to those who have been affected during the global financial crisis. Episode 1, while didn't directly relate to the economic situation of Frank and Kristen, undoubtedly is a powerful motivator to get people into action. And that is what Tony Robbins is all about!

The downside:

1. Tony Robbins took Frank and Kristen out of their everyday environment and initially took them to Fiji to experience their first "breakthrough." My question is: what about others who do not have the opportunity or even the means to get away from their environment - what do they do?

2. The show is about challenging people physically because Tony's philosophy is you have to get your body moving in order to get a different result. That is true however the question is what causes the body to move into action? It is the mind! It is the thoughts that we think and get emotionally involved with that causes the body to move into action. I do not recall seeing Tony explain to Frank and Kristen about their mind and the proper use of the mind.

3. The show left me with the impression that it would take sheer force and willpower to get people to change. It was like it is "forcing" someone to get past their mental barrier and order to create a new result. That approach certainly works but there is something called the "hot bath" effect that takes place immediately. When you have a hot bath or shower, what happens when you finish... you immediately start to cool down. My only question is do the participants on the show have the mental strength to keep going on after Tony and the cameras are gone. I know from personal experience having attended Tony Robbin's "Date With Destiny" program, it didn't take long before all the hype, jumping up and down, and "make your move" concept wore off. Sure, it is up to the individual to continue to apply what was learnt and experienced, however I believe that there can be a gentler approach, which begins with understanding how the mind works, that can give you the same results and be sustainable in the long run. Continuing education and developing a higher level of awareness is the what life is about.

These are some observations I had after watching the first episode. Overall, I certainly do believe that we need more shows like "Breakthrough" on TV, so in that aspect, the show is certainly a winner. I just only hope that the new "breakthroughs" experienced by the participants on the show can be catalyst for a brighter and better future.

On a personal note, Tony mentions that the people of Fiji are the happiest people in the world. Having been born in Fiji and lived the first 15 years of my life there, I do not know on what basis is Tony making that comment. Yes, while staying on his island resort on Namale, it is very easy to get the impression that "everyone" in Fiji is happy and life is wonderful. I would love for Tony to get a real sense of what life is like in Fiji by visiting the main islands and spending time with people there. Then he may get a different perspective of how "happy" people really are in Fiji, and what life is really like. It is my intention to be able to encourage people of influence like Tony Robbins make a difference in the lives of the people in Fiji especially where the majority of the population live. Maybe this message can somehow be passed onto Tony...

Overcome ANY Obstacle with 3 Simple Questions

What stands between you and what you most desire?

Your answers might relate to a lack of money, time, support from family, or all of these. Obstacles can seem so numerous, so obvious, and so tough to change.

You can relate to obstacles in many ways. Typical responses are to explain them or resist them.

Both responses take a lot of time and energy. And both anchor you firmly in the past, keeping your focus on areas of your life that are not working.

To immediately generate alternatives, remember a simple analogy...

Imagine that you’re driving down a scenic highway. Suddenly you come to a huge rock in the middle of the road.

At this moment you have several options. You could try to explain how the rock ended up there. You could also go into resistance mode, complaining about the carelessness of highway construction or the lack of state funding for rock removal.

Or, you could bypass all this negativity and remove the obstacle from your life at once. Instead of explaining the rock or resisting it, just drive around it.

When faced with obstacles, people often respond with questions based on explanation and resistance, such as:
- Why am I so alone?
- Why does this always happen to me?
- Why am I such a failure?

However, you always have another option. You can ask questions that help you drive around any obstacle in your life.

Questions have uncanny power. Questions direct your attention— and along with it, how you think and how you feel. If you want to create different thoughts, feelings, and results into your life, then ask different questions.

Start now by skipping the why questions and begin asking what questions, such as:
1) What’s the lesson here?
There’s an old saying about learning from experience: Beware the person with twenty years of experience. This may consist of one year of learning and nineteen years of repetition.

The point is that experiences do not come prepackaged with empowering lessons. Everything hinges on how you interpret experiences, and your interpretations can change over the years. A single event can take you a step closer to emotional contraction or expansion. It all depends on how you interpret that event.

Psychologist Martin Seligman has made a career by studying how human beings interpret their experience. He notes that each of us has an explanatory style.

People who chronically feel helpless tend to explain events in ways that are:
• Permanent: “I always get confused when trying to learn something new.”
• Personal: “I’m just no good at meeting people.”
• Pervasive: “I’m just the kind of person who fails to follow through, no matter what kind of goals I set.”

Optimistic people use a different style. They explain events in ways that are:
1. Temporary: “When I feel confused, I ask questions that lead me to understanding.”
2. External: “I find it hard to talk to people in bars, so I invite them to quiet restaurants instead.”
3. Specific: “I find it challenging to meet long-term goals, so for now I will focus on achieving short-term objectives.”

You should interpret these obstacles as yield signs rather than stop signs.

These are signals that the world is expanding to accommodate your growth. Instead of resisting a challenge, just lean into it. Ask yourself: How can I interpret this event in a more powerful way? What’s a positive lesson that’s waiting here to be learned?

2) What’s great about having this problem?
There’s an easy answer to this question: “Nothing!” However, looking beyond that knee-jerk response can quickly open up your perspective.

Tony Robbins offers an example in his book Awakening the Giant Within. He recalls a time when he’d been on the road for nearly 100 days out of 120. Returning to his office, he found a stack of urgent memos and a list of 100 phone calls that he needed to personally return. Before making these discoveries, he was tired. Now he felt exhausted.

Tony managed to shift his internal state simply by asking: What’s great about having this problem? He then realized that just a few years ago he would have been grateful to get calls from twenty people—let alone one hundred people with national reputations.

This insight was enough to break his pattern of frustration. He found himself feeling grateful that so many people he loved and respected were willing to connect with him.

3) What’s my next action?
This question shines a spotlight on solutions. No matter what happens, you can choose what to say and do in response. Rather than manifesting resistance or explanation, you can choose your next action.

Successful people hold a bias for action. Add inspiration and intention to the mix, and you gain an unstoppable momentum.

Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com

Failure: A Part of Winning by Bob Proctor

Wherever I travel, from Melbourne to Montreal, I see USA Today, the newspaper that condenses whatever is happening from sports events to the lowering of the Iron Curtain. Like instant coffee and fast food Al Neuharth brought instant news to the people who were in a rush.

Part of Neuharth's success is the result of past failures. He maintains you should have at least one real good failure when you're old enough to learn some thing from it and yet young enough to start over. That is only true if you do learn from your failures, analyze them and take the blame. He started a state newspaper in South Dakota in the summer of 1952 and by the fall of 1954 the So-Dak Sports was out of business. A good deal of money and a lot of hard work had gone down the drain. However, when you look at his success today, if you look close enough, you will see his apparent failure was merely an investment in his own bright future.

Too often you and I only see what lies in front of our eyes. We should look a little deeper. There are literally thousands of individuals who permit a past failure to paralyze them. If you tried something in the past and found that it didn't work, don't quit, try again. Approach it from a different angle and eve ry thing will look different to you. If you just turn your head to your right, the place you are presently in will be quite different. Many a book has become a best seller simply by changing the title or the cover. Never change or loose sight of your goal just because you fail. Change your plan. Failing is a very real part of winning.

The ABC’s of Success by Bob Proctor

The desire for success is inherent within all of us. It is a part of our nature to want to grow, to improve the quality of our lives. However, nothing improves by accident, it requires conscious attention. When you are being bombarded by negatives, improvement, growth and success are easy to forget.

Let Judith Dekker's "ABC's Of Success" keep you on a winning track.

True Success starts in an Attitude and ends in Action. It comes from Belief in oneself, and Believe in One higher than oneself. It comes quickest to the one who combines Confidence and Determination with Energy and Enthusiasm. Such a man Fears nothing - not even Failure; If God is for him, what has he to fear? He combined Hard work with good Humour, helping anyone he can in any way he can, and so finds a friend in almost everyone he meets. Integrity is in his eyes and Joy is in his heart, for he knows the Key to Living is in Loving. He is a man with a Mission and he allows Nothing to interfere with that Mission. He seizes Opportunity and Perseveres in his Quest when those around him would rather Rest. Often he seems surprised by success, for he has been too busy to Seek it; instead he finds it has followed him. He used Time well, and refuses to waste it in worry. He Undertakes much, attacks all with Vigour and clearly wants to Win. He aims for Excellence in all he does, and, whatever his age, people are struck by his Youthful Zest and Zeal. He is a pleasure to know and a pleasure to see: God willing today, He will be Me.


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